Countdown to departure: 7 days
Countdown to culture shock: 192 days
I will go to Beijing alone and work as a private tutor. The arrangements are more or less in place: I get my visa on Wednesday, and I have given notice at work (my last day is Thursday), Tom will have his friends whisk me off to the apartment when I arrive, and then send the first couple of clients my way; from that point, I'll have to find the rest of my clients on my own. Fortunately I already have a handful of contacts in Beijing to help me out.
My personal growth the past couple weeks has moved beyond meditation to real life lessons. Damaging my parents' car twice in that span of time is distressing to the point of hilarity; the first incident ate up all of the funds I had meant to use for my travelling expenses, the second has left me in debt to both my brother and my best friend. But dealing with a brush with death and that encumbering sense of regret that comes with game-changing mistakes easily avoided have left me wiser to an extent that could very possibly save my life in a place where risky choices will be all-too-tempting to make. And I find comfort in that.
So let my last week begin. Here goes nothing.
Showing posts with label planning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label planning. Show all posts
Monday, May 3, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Reboot
Countdown to departure: 13 days
Countdown to culture shock: 198 days
Guess what? Things changed again!
Oy vey...
I'm sorry to be so sparse on details, but after a 2 1/2 hour meeting with my wonderful friends (Tong, Tom, & co.) tonight (including a conference call with my would-be boss), I have decided on a new course of action. Although this boss seems like a nice guy, the consensus among my posse is that certain methods of his may imperil me, or at least force me to be looking over my shoulder while I'm in China. He has refused to budge in what he's doing, but I have to be self-respecting and decide that this is unacceptable. I have decided to draw a line in the sand.
I am not certain what I will do if he accepts my ultimatum, since it is really just an attempt to turn down the job without losing face. My new plan, which really offers me a lot more freedom, is to bypass the backroads and go straight to Beijing; as was originally discussed, I can stay at my Tong & Tom's house there. Somehow they didn't realize that private tutelage is a desirable form of employment to me; now that they know it's my bag, they are eager to hire me out to their friends in Beijing. This is pretty darned ideal. I'm stoked.
I also have an incredible amount of stuff to get done in the next 12 days. Tong says now I "don't have to worry". Pfft.
Countdown to culture shock: 198 days
Guess what? Things changed again!
Oy vey...
I'm sorry to be so sparse on details, but after a 2 1/2 hour meeting with my wonderful friends (Tong, Tom, & co.) tonight (including a conference call with my would-be boss), I have decided on a new course of action. Although this boss seems like a nice guy, the consensus among my posse is that certain methods of his may imperil me, or at least force me to be looking over my shoulder while I'm in China. He has refused to budge in what he's doing, but I have to be self-respecting and decide that this is unacceptable. I have decided to draw a line in the sand.
I am not certain what I will do if he accepts my ultimatum, since it is really just an attempt to turn down the job without losing face. My new plan, which really offers me a lot more freedom, is to bypass the backroads and go straight to Beijing; as was originally discussed, I can stay at my Tong & Tom's house there. Somehow they didn't realize that private tutelage is a desirable form of employment to me; now that they know it's my bag, they are eager to hire me out to their friends in Beijing. This is pretty darned ideal. I'm stoked.
I also have an incredible amount of stuff to get done in the next 12 days. Tong says now I "don't have to worry". Pfft.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Pre-Closure
Countdown to departure: 14 days?
Countdown to culture shock: 199 days?
I cannot enumerate all of the various ups-and-downs in my preparations that have happened since my last post. Suffice it to say, the statement, "every day I wake up, my life gets more complicated," has continued to ring true. I'm holding a conference call with my boss and some of my Chinese friends tomorrow night to try to get things cleared up once and for all.
The aspect of the complications relevant to the question marks above is thus: the delays in my visa application have introduced the possibility that I will have to change my flight to a later date. Unfortunately, the super-cheap ticket I found was at the very tail end of the off-season; consequently, the fee for changing it would run in the order of $500 (which, if you recall, was the cost of the ticket itself). There are plenty of pros to changing my ticket, but it would be nice to just have this over with as-is.
By tomorrow I'll probably have an idea of how things are going to play out.
Countdown to culture shock: 199 days?
I cannot enumerate all of the various ups-and-downs in my preparations that have happened since my last post. Suffice it to say, the statement, "every day I wake up, my life gets more complicated," has continued to ring true. I'm holding a conference call with my boss and some of my Chinese friends tomorrow night to try to get things cleared up once and for all.
The aspect of the complications relevant to the question marks above is thus: the delays in my visa application have introduced the possibility that I will have to change my flight to a later date. Unfortunately, the super-cheap ticket I found was at the very tail end of the off-season; consequently, the fee for changing it would run in the order of $500 (which, if you recall, was the cost of the ticket itself). There are plenty of pros to changing my ticket, but it would be nice to just have this over with as-is.
By tomorrow I'll probably have an idea of how things are going to play out.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Ornery
Countdown to departure: 20 days
Countdown to culture shock: 205 days
I've had a reasonable few days. I think I'm emotionally drained. The party was pretty fabulous, I enjoyed myself a lot, but besides that I think I may be avoiding my immigrant friends. I haven't really been feeling positive or negative emotions about going, just mostly neutral. I wish I could just sit down, flush myself out, see this thing from all sides at once and know how to feel about it.
I don't know what it is that so gets on my nerves when people talk about things like "phases of cultural adjustment". (The theme of this blog is admittedly poking fun at the concept.) Well, I suppose if I dig deep enough, I actually do know what it is: a) I loathe determinism and b) I'm hypersensitive to perceived insults to my intelligence. When someone states that because of my station in life — because of any factor that they, not being me, could observe — that they can predict what I'm going to think, how I'm going to feel, and (most perniciously) what I'm going to do, I raise my hackles and perceive it as an assault on my free will. And when somebody insinuates that I would undertake an endeavour such as this unthinkingly, assuming perhaps that someone not paralyzed by the worst case scenario must not be aware of it, it tweaks my insecurities and provokes a rather primitive instinct to "act smart" (e.g. by writing blog posts like this).
Hmm.
I guess that's all I have to say about that. I've got issues. I want to be able to experience this without overthinking it, and that would be a rare thing for me.
I'm waiting to hear back from my boss about some changes to the visa regulations. I really hope this isn't going to be a problem.
Countdown to culture shock: 205 days
I've had a reasonable few days. I think I'm emotionally drained. The party was pretty fabulous, I enjoyed myself a lot, but besides that I think I may be avoiding my immigrant friends. I haven't really been feeling positive or negative emotions about going, just mostly neutral. I wish I could just sit down, flush myself out, see this thing from all sides at once and know how to feel about it.
I don't know what it is that so gets on my nerves when people talk about things like "phases of cultural adjustment". (The theme of this blog is admittedly poking fun at the concept.) Well, I suppose if I dig deep enough, I actually do know what it is: a) I loathe determinism and b) I'm hypersensitive to perceived insults to my intelligence. When someone states that because of my station in life — because of any factor that they, not being me, could observe — that they can predict what I'm going to think, how I'm going to feel, and (most perniciously) what I'm going to do, I raise my hackles and perceive it as an assault on my free will. And when somebody insinuates that I would undertake an endeavour such as this unthinkingly, assuming perhaps that someone not paralyzed by the worst case scenario must not be aware of it, it tweaks my insecurities and provokes a rather primitive instinct to "act smart" (e.g. by writing blog posts like this).
Hmm.
I guess that's all I have to say about that. I've got issues. I want to be able to experience this without overthinking it, and that would be a rare thing for me.
I'm waiting to hear back from my boss about some changes to the visa regulations. I really hope this isn't going to be a problem.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Sunny side
Countdown to departure: 23 days
Countdown to culture shock: 208 days
So it's party day today, and I've got food to make. I suppose it's a commentary on the state of Western culture that the "Western dish" I was asked to bring will in fact be a (westernized) Thai dish.
Concerning the events of yesterday, pursuant to a good long nap immediately after my last post, a very pleasant evening with my family, and a weekend-sized sleeping-in last night, I feel my brain and spirits have recovered.
I thought it was "the thing to do" to place all of these expectations and anxieties on myself now that the big date is approaching, but I think I need to take a more Daoist approach here. A conversation with my parents elucidated that, as little as yesterday's interactions may have done for my conversational Mandarin abilities, they offered me invaluable cultural insights. (We were talking mostly about lifestyles, politics, philosophy and religion.)
The benefits of living in the moment will be spoiled for me if I set too rigid of a definition of what it means to be responsible. I need to relax and play things by ear and get back to thinking of life in terms of relationships instead of timelines.
Countdown to culture shock: 208 days
So it's party day today, and I've got food to make. I suppose it's a commentary on the state of Western culture that the "Western dish" I was asked to bring will in fact be a (westernized) Thai dish.
Concerning the events of yesterday, pursuant to a good long nap immediately after my last post, a very pleasant evening with my family, and a weekend-sized sleeping-in last night, I feel my brain and spirits have recovered.
I thought it was "the thing to do" to place all of these expectations and anxieties on myself now that the big date is approaching, but I think I need to take a more Daoist approach here. A conversation with my parents elucidated that, as little as yesterday's interactions may have done for my conversational Mandarin abilities, they offered me invaluable cultural insights. (We were talking mostly about lifestyles, politics, philosophy and religion.)
The benefits of living in the moment will be spoiled for me if I set too rigid of a definition of what it means to be responsible. I need to relax and play things by ear and get back to thinking of life in terms of relationships instead of timelines.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Event Horizon
Countdown to departure: 26 days
Countdown to culture shock: 211 days
Ticket booked for May 10th, a couple days earlier than I was assuming as of the last post.
It seems as if Blogger is blocked in China at the current time, so when I make the move, my blog will have to make the move too, perhaps to one of these sites:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/
http://blog.tianya.cn/
I was going to write an essay explaining my little adventure, but I have been stricken with an especial sort of fatigue since I found out about the job on Sunday. Perhaps this is all more than my subconscious can bear? Pillow first, ask questions later.
Countdown to culture shock: 211 days
Ticket booked for May 10th, a couple days earlier than I was assuming as of the last post.
It seems as if Blogger is blocked in China at the current time, so when I make the move, my blog will have to make the move too, perhaps to one of these sites:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/
http://blog.tianya.cn/
I was going to write an essay explaining my little adventure, but I have been stricken with an especial sort of fatigue since I found out about the job on Sunday. Perhaps this is all more than my subconscious can bear? Pillow first, ask questions later.
Awakening
Countdown to departure: ~28 days.
Countdown to culture shock: ~213 days.
If all goes as planned, today is the day I buy the ticket. Once I have spent all my (paltry) savings and today's paycheck on a plane ticket, I'm going to China, job or no job. Fortunately, the job opportunity seems very sound, and no more than a perfunctory sort of paranoia is probably warranted.
As my weekly Chinese practice sessions with Tong have now resumed in the form of daily Chinese crash review sessions, I am reminded that the experience of assimilation, even when voluntary, is not ostensibly pleasurable. It's a feeling of constant ignorance, no matter how much progress you make.
Well, it's not like I'm going into this experience with any illusions that it won't be humbling.
More thoughts when the deed is done. Later, comrades.
Countdown to culture shock: ~213 days.
If all goes as planned, today is the day I buy the ticket. Once I have spent all my (paltry) savings and today's paycheck on a plane ticket, I'm going to China, job or no job. Fortunately, the job opportunity seems very sound, and no more than a perfunctory sort of paranoia is probably warranted.
As my weekly Chinese practice sessions with Tong have now resumed in the form of daily Chinese crash review sessions, I am reminded that the experience of assimilation, even when voluntary, is not ostensibly pleasurable. It's a feeling of constant ignorance, no matter how much progress you make.
Well, it's not like I'm going into this experience with any illusions that it won't be humbling.
More thoughts when the deed is done. Later, comrades.
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